Festivus for the Rest of Us

by

‘Twas two days before Christmas, when all through the home, 
The grievances mounted, both told and untold, 
Of slights and of wrongs that had happened all year, 
The aluminum pole, just naked and bare.
 
The family was gathered, prepared for a fight, 
With notebooks of grudges all ready to cite. 
When out in the kitchen arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
 
Away to the table I flew like a flash, 
Tore open my notebook and pulled out my stash 
Of complaints I’d been saving since last winter’s snow, 
Ready to air them to all down below.
 
When what to my wondering eyes did appear, 
But Dad at the head, saying “Festivus is here! 
The airing of grievances begins with a shout;
I’ve got a lot of problems, and you’ll hear them all out!”
 
More rapid than rockets his complaints they did come, 
And he sputtered and shouted and left us all numb. 
“Your lateness! Your spending! Your thoughtless behavior! 
No excuses accepted; no ifs, ands or buts here!”
 
Then after the airing, we gathered around 
For feats of strength on the cold, cold, hard ground. 
And I heard Dad exclaim as he pinned Uncle Lou, 
“Happy Festivus to all! I’m disgusted with you!”

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